I will not curse the darkness
(The Light Bearers Formula)

 

by Libby Tedder Hugus 

November 6, 2024

 

 

This little light of mine… I’m going to let it shine. 

 

So declares the gospel tune, 

now approximately a century hold

Will you join me?
Together, our lights can illuminate / fuller / farther / longer / stronger 

and the warmth from all of these lights

together

can absorb into the material of our flesh and our bones

our beating hearts and our fearful brains

our pulsing guts

our twitch muscles

our aching ligaments 

our breaking hearts 

and ignite a Sage warmth not available to us

before we allowed them 

to shine 

a little brighter 

a little truer

a little more clearly

together

 

There are light bearers, and there are light snuffers. 

We know instinctually who are the bearers and who are the snuffers.

We know viscerally what its like to be in the presence of a light bringer… 

We know gutturally what it is like to have our lights snuffed…

 

And we’re also fragile and vulnerable enough to recognize

we have been both, at one time or another - 

from one moment to the next - 

when the fight, flight, freeze or fawn 

mechanism of survival and the flight of fear

alights in sabotage and
viscerally

we have snuffed the light - 

…our own, another’s, a group’s… 

gutturally doused that precious light with the hair-trigger of 

fist or flea

paralysis or prickliness

disgust or discard 

reject or rebut

 

We’re neither one, nor the other entirely 

we cannot claim to be 100% light-bearer 

nor do we ever desire to be 100% light-snuffer. 

 

So if we are both, 

if both light bearer and light snuffer 

lives inside of us at any given moment… 

 

If Sage and Saboteur are live-wires in our 

precious and feeble and hopeful and exhausted 

resilient, neuron-plastic, still-alive

brains, in our bodies, in our guts, 

 

then….

Like yesterday, I commit to bearing the light… 

bringing the light, being the light, 

cultivating the light, protecting the light, 

extending the light, joining with the light, 

seeking the light, magnifying the light, 

reflecting, refracting, and recharging the light

And I commit to absorbing the light too. 

 

Light interacts with matter by 

reflecting - bouncing from 

refracting - passing through 

absorbing - converting to (thermal energy) 

​

Sometimes, I need to absorb your light

which converts to thermal energy 

to keep me warm 

when I am isolated, worrying, fearful, anxious, alone, stuck, looping… 

if my light is low and under threat of the snuff, 

I may need your light to keep mine lit.

And, multiple realities can be true at the same time. 

I can be both a light-bearer and light-snuffer

I can have Sage power and Sabotage deflation inside of me

 

Humans can only see a very small portion of the light spectrum —  

scientifically around 0.0035% of the electromagnetic spectrum —

which is the range of wavelengths called "visible light”

 

To put it another way, 

humans are blind to 99.9997% of the electromagnetic spectrum. 

 

Its invisible to us

But it exists

It is there

 

It feels like we see everything there is to see, 

but my cat tells me this isn’t reality.

I only see one tiny piece of what I am capable of seeing, 

from the inside of my own eye balls. 

She, the cat, is capable of seeing 

what to my eyes, 

is labeled and categorized as 

darkness / invisible / imperceptible

 

And light can come in multiple different wave lengths 

reflected from multiple different sources, 

perceived on the spectrum we are capable of perceiving it 

and it exists to a breadth I see only a fraction of

It is invisible to me,

but it exists

It is there in actuality

​

So, like yesterday… 

I will let my light shine

and bear the light wherever I go

because the darkness is not in fact darkness

it is blindness to the real spectrum 

not yet perceivable to me, 

the fullness of which I can only 

attempt to and barely conceive. 

 

It is not entirely perceived

but it is alway available to me…

the light. 

Always accessible. 

Always present. 

Always waving itself everywhere and at all times. 

Always, the light is there. 

reflecting, refracting, absorbing

Whether I perceive it or not.

 

I will let my light shine, 

compassionately 

courageously 

connectedly

 

And I will seek your light out, too.

 

Both light bearer and light snuffer 

lives inside of me at any given moment… 

Both Sage perceiver and Saboteur douser 

can be active inside of me at any given moment.

 

The Sage and Saboteur 

are live-wires inside my 

precious and feeble and hopeful and exhausted 

brain, heart and gut

 

so, then….

​

Like yesterday, I commit to bearing the light… 

bringing the light, being the light, 

cultivating the light, protecting the light, 

extending the light, joining with the light, 

seeking the light, magnifying the light, 

reflecting, refracting, and recharging the light

And I commit to absorbing the light too. 

 

“…it is far better to light the candle than to curse the darkness…”

says the proverb of unknown origin; perhaps Confucius… 

 

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. 

In that space is our power to choose our response. 

In our response lies our growth and freedom.” 

says the neurologist, psychologist, philosopher, and Holocaust survivor, Viktor Frankl

 

The formula, like Brené Brown reminded us, 

would look like this: 

S(    )R

 

My response is to light my candle, 

not curse the darkness…

My response is to trust my Sage 

and snuff the Saboteur’s reactionary spark

that if left unattended could 

catch the flint of flight / flight / freeze / fawn 

 

My agency, my love, 

my power ( my capacity, my ability, my willingness )

lives alongside my Sage

my light-bearing 

fire-tending

reflecting, refracting, absorbing self

 

As light bearing humans  

we exist between 

Sage and Saboteur, 

between light-bearers and light-snuffers

for both dwell within us 

at any given moment

 

I will draw nearer to the full-spectrum of the Sage, 

and gently absorb the distortion of the Saboteur, 
into love, into compassion, into courage, into connection

 

Personal transformation leads to communal transformation

Oh how I need my community of light bearers, today... 

 

I will let my little light shine, 

will you join me? 

 

Because I need your light, too.

 

Here is the formula for light-bearers: 

 

Stimulus (   ) Response 

Sage // light bearer ( response, power, growth, freedom ) Saboteur // light snuffer

​

Libby Tedder Hugus  
@resonatenow.live